I’ve never been the expert in gift buying for my bride of nearly 50 years. I’ve done ok in some cases but mostly not. I saw a friend of mine in the grocery store last week. He mentioned he and his wife were getting ready to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary too and were buying one another new bathrobes. I thought “now that’s a perfect present.” He was doing the grocery shopping and I was too. That tells you something, doesn’t it?
In any case, I came up with some perfect gift-giving ideas for those of us who are challenged in that arena.
- Hairless Cat — The perfect gift for a gal who is prone to allergies. There is a new breed of the hairless feline called the “Bambino” which means “baby” in Italian. It is not Italian or aloof. Breeders say it will live its life always looking like a cuddly little kitten. Forget hair balls since it’s furless but will need regular bathing, a winter sweater and sunblock. ‘Ciao Bella,’ kitty.
- His and her Pink Tee shirts with their names — You can’t go wrong with these garments. Here are some catchy tee-shirt copy ideas sure to keep you as her love interest: -I Love You More Than Beer!; -I’m Hers – He’s Mine; This is What An Awesome Girlfriend Looks Like.; Hottest Wife Ever.; Mrs. Always Right!; Sorry Stud Muffins This Cupcake is Taken.
- Roomba Vacuum Cleaner — Every woman should have one. The iRobot Roomba offers hands-free cleaning for any floor surface and it’s guaranteed to suck. Home appliances are beloved gifts to help women make their chores easier. You can’t go wrong with the Roomba as it leaves time for her to mix your evening cocktail and spend quality time discussing your work day. It is said many couples even name their Roomba. One suggested name for her favorite Roomba might be ‘Mr. Neaterman.’ Warning label on the Roomba states: Do not use if your pet is not house broken.
- A stuffed animal — New this year, ‘Sammy Skunk’ is almost sold out. The cute little baby skunk comes with a built-in atomizer when squeezed near his fanny emitting a room-filling pleasant aroma. A conversation piece that will keep you friends laughing all evening unless they are prone to allergies. ‘Sammy Skunk’ comes in a variety of aromas including, finesse ‘de breeze, peppermint, eucalyptus, lavender, and everyone’s favorite ylang-ylang, which reduces stress.
- Pre-paid gas card — Keep her gas tank full. The gift of convenience whereby she doesn’t have to dig for cash or her credit card to fill her tank. She has the option of filling with high test gas or free oil change. She’ll love you for it.
- Lunch Reservations for Saturday noon at Chucky Cheese — What can I say, the ultimate love gift. It will give your girlfriend the opportunity to see if she wants children at some point in her life. Also, in addition to an intimate cozy meal over a delicious pizza she can also enjoy the numerous games available like Chuck E Rocks or Ticket Blaster. (Let her be a kid again). Entertainment is also provided for her enjoyment with a live stage show by Chuck E. He rocks with his good friends and fellow band members Helen Henny, Jasper T. Jowls, Mr. Munch and Pasqually. She will remember the day forever and ever.
- Surprise Craft Beer Tasting Party and dinner in her honor — Invite eight of your best beer buddies over to spend the evening in her honor each surprising her with a case of craft beer. Be sure to clean up after they leave so she can relax and belch in private.
- A fruit of the month gift card — The gift that keeps on giving all year long. Let her select a favorite fruit of the month. The Valentine’s Day discounted special for 2019 is a gorgeous selection of golden prunes
- Rock climbing lessons — For the girl who likes spending time outdoors with her man. Enjoy trips together to your favorite rock quarry for practice. Add a pre-paid life insurance policy to her lessons. She will know you have her best interests at heart.
- Mammoth Cave trip to Kentucky with a tour of a grand, gloomy and peculiar big old hole in the ground, the largest in America. The cave temperature stays at a comfortable 52 degrees all year long. Sen. Rand Paul is planning on giving tours of the 400 explored miles during the Valentine’s Day weekend celebration.
Bonus Gift ideas
- Tour of the Barbed Wire Museum in Texas — according to their marketing material, “this is not a museum dedicated to the one semi-legitimate movie starring Pamela Anderson.” It is also one museum where you really don’t want her to touch anything.
- Carhenge — I’ve seen it and it’s fantastic. While driving just outside of Alliance, Neb., I noticed old cars stuck straight up in the ground. Carhenge is one of Nebraska’s five wonders of the state along with Warren Buffett’s little house in Omaha.
