Freudian Slips… The bride and her mother were in the deceiving line


Compiled by Bill Derby, Publisher

[News clippings that actually appeared in print…]

• A seven-pound baby boy arrived last night to frighten the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Peter Calder.

• Beauty Queen unveils bust at dedication ceremony.

• Before the verdict was rendered this morning, Miss Mexico told interviewers that if the court freed her, she would become a nut.

• His friends could give no reason why he should have committed suicide. He is single.

• Home furnishings magazine: Mr. Frenkal won the national bedding award from the National Association. Mr. Frenkal has ten children.

• If we would only send young American tenors to stud abroad, they would return immensely improved.

• In department store: Bath towels for your whole damp family.

• Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher returned yesterday from Hawaii, where they spent two weeks of unallowed pleasure.

• Mr. and Mrs. Oliver Sloan request the pleasure of your presents at the marriage of their daughter.

• Mr. and Mrs. Sleyman have lied most of their married life in Hartford.

• Mr. Oakum lives with his wife, his high-school sweetheart, and three sons.

• Mrs. Jensen of the Home Garden Club gave a short talk on how to keep ants out of your blooming pants.

• News column: Gerry Mirville, the district attorney, then forcefully addressed the jury and gummed up the case.

• On a bill from lawyer, typed by his secretary: Bull rendered: $500.

• Overcome by gas while taking a bath, she owes her life to the watchfulness of the janitor.

• She went into the hospital after being bitten by a spider in a bathing suit.

• Society column: Their annual ball was held last night at the Hilton Hotel. Seldom have we seen such a glittering display of beaux and bellies.

• Social notes: He is visiting our town with his bitter half.


• The all-girl orchestra was rather weak in the bras section.

• The bride and the mother were in the deceiving line.

• The chief is inclined to believe that a crossed wife might be the cause of the fire.

• The head of the investment firm would not say whether, in his own private holdings, he was more interested in stocks or blonds.

• The President, who has been sick for several days, is now in bed with a coed.

• The Red Cross paid for emergency care and later found a free bed for him in an institution specializing in the treatment of artcritics.

• The report was signed by five faulty members of the university.

• There are millions of desirable women who are unattacked, and hungry for love.

• They were married and lived happily even after.

• Upon arriving at the Honolulu airport, two men were given coveted lays by Hawaiian maidens.

• Vote for Jordan Barns – your fiend in City Hall.

• Wanted: Job as a janitor. Long experience. Expert moper.

• When his wife called from London, Mr. Fandish said, “It was wonderful to hear her voice and realize she was over three thousand miles away.”


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