Publisher’s note: I wrote a similar column about President George W. Bush’s cabinet meeting a number of years ago and thought it fair to include President Biden’s cabinet meeting.
By Bill Derby, Publisher
“Hi, everyone. Welcome to our cabinet meeting. Didja’ have a good weekend?”
“Jill and I spent the weekend on Rehoboth Beach. It is July you know and working on a tan. We tried to talk the mayor into helping me clean out the garage. What a pain. Last time I cleaned it out was in 2016.”
“Janet, how was your trip to China?”
“Well, Mr. President, I bowed numerous times and suggested they re-do their government, keep sending us our drugs and cancel all their balloon flights. Hadn’t worked yet and my back is still hurting.”
“Janet, if stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?”
“What’s going on over at the Department of Transportation Mr. Buttigieg?”
“Mr. President, we were all wondering the other day. When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it with? We are also challenged with a large number of pot holes, the ones in the roads not in the green houses. Airlines are bumping into one another too at our congested airports. John Kerry was also complaining to me that his private airports needed more air traffic controllers so he could leave on time for meetings in Switzerland.”
“Okay, okay, what do you have to say about the health and human services department Secretary Becerra?”
“We’ve been wondering over here why is it that all these gas station bathrooms are locked? Are they afraid someone will clean them? Mr. President, we’re also having a problem with a new sect going around the country. It’s called ‘Frisbeetarianism.’ It’s the belief that when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.”
“We’ve also been notified of outbreaks of ‘negligent.’ It describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.”
“Thanks a lot for your introspectiveness. Secretary of Energy Granholm, tell me about the oil situation.”
“Mr. President, a lot of folks can’t understand how the U.S. can have an oil shortage. Our committee came up with what we think the problem is. Nobody has bothered to check the oil levels. It’s mostly a geography problem. You see, most of the oil is in Alaska, Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, Wyoming and all the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.”
“You’re right, Granholm. One word sums up probably the responsibility of any government, and that one word is, “to be prepared.”
“Secretary of Labor Sur, what’s going on over there?”
“We’re working real hard but we’ve had a labor complaint by a 65-year-old lady. She went to the doctor’s office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax. The older doctor marched down the hallway where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.
“What’s the matter with you?” the older doctor demanded.
“Mrs. Reid is 65 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren-and you told her she was pregnant?”
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said; “Does she still have the hiccups?”
“Thank you Secretary Sur for that story. The future will be better tomorrow.”
“Vice President Harris, are you still having problems with the media?”
“Mr. President, I took care of them yesterday when they asked me about what I know about the future. I was given an historic quote by a previous government official I thought was quite descriptive.
“I said…the unknown as we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don’t’ know.”
“Thank you all for that report. I’ll leave you with this thought before we break. If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”