I don’t want much for Christmas, I just want the person reading this to be happy.
Friends are the fruitcake of life – some nutty, some soaked in alcohol, some sweet. But mix them together, and they’re my friends.
A prayer at Christmas
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. “I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE… I PRAY FOR A NEW Wii… I PRAY FOR A NEW PLAYSTATION…”
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.”
To which the little brother replied, “No, but Grandma is!”
Explaining an employee’s absence from work
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.
“Is your Daddy home?” he asked.
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?” The child whispered, “No.”
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mummy there?” “Yes.”
“May I talk with her?” Again the small voice whispered, “No.”
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?” “Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman.”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?” “No, he’s busy,” whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?” “Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A helicopter,” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed a helicopter.”
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle… “Me.”
Three Wise Women would have asked directions, and
• Arrived on time
• Helped deliver the baby.
• Brought practical gifts
• Cleaned the stable.
• Made a casserole and there would be peace on Earth!
Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve, and the mall was packed. As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her cell phone to ask him where he was.
In a calm voice, the husband said, “Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about five years ago – where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?”
The wife choked up, and started to cry. She said, “Yes, I remember that jewelry store.”
He said, “Well, I’m in the bar right next to it.”
What to do with old goats – Where elderly American tourists go during the holidays
A group of Americans was traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a process of cheese making, explaining that goats’ milk was used.
The female guide showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing.
These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, “What do you do in America with your older goats?”
A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours.”