Stuck at home thoughts for the day…


A reader sent me this list of thoughts about the ‘stay-at-home’ directives. It isn’t easy for any of us and especially for our businesses that are suffering or the folks who have contracted the disease. We are all praying for it to end.

Americans always rise to the occasion with humor while dealing with unpleasant situations even during war. This terrible disease is no exception as people come up with hilarious thoughts to help them endure hardship. Humor is healthy for the body.

• Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

• I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.

• I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator. Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter – The Living Room or The Bedroom

• PSA: Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well.

• Home-schooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.

• I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

• This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog. We laughed.

• So, after this quarantine…..will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

• Quarantine Day 14: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.’

• My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when nature calls it cleans the toilet.

• Day 8 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

• I’m so excited—it’s time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

• I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to “Puerto Backyarda.” I’m ”getting tired of ‘Los Livingroom.”

• Classified ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

• Day 12 of Homeschooling: My child just said, “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year”…..

• Day 14 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently she is my wife. She seems nice.

• Since everybody has now started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste.

• They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied, everyone else has clothes on.

• To those who are complaining about the quarantine and curfews, just remember that your grandparents were called to war, you are being called to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. You can do this.

• Having trouble staying at home? Shave your eyebrows off.

• Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.

• Yeah I have plans tonight. I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9.

• Contrary to popular belief, Duct tape is not the solution to every problem.


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