Compiled by Bill Derby
My son, Jeff went up to visit his cousin, Tim, a couple of years ago in West Virginia. Both are outdoorsmen and when you visit people in West Virginia, it’s mostly outdoors in any case. They planned a float trip down the Greenbrier River near Beckley.
After a day floating on the river they stopped at a local eatery to dine, warm up and meet West Virginia girls. Jeff sent me a photo of himself standing beside the sign in front of their eatery. However, the establishment offered little hope. The sign read: ‘Stuarts Smokehouse…Cold Food! Warm Beer! Ugly Women!’
The establishment is near Alderson Federal Prison Camp for female inmates in West Virginia. Some notables who served time at what is known as “Camp Cupcake” include, Iva Toguri D’Aquino, the American citizen better known as “Tokyo Rose” and Mildred Gillars or “Axis Sally.” Two other ladies who called “Camp Cupcake” home were Martha Stewart for insider trading and Billie Holliday for a minor drug possession.
Here are other recent sign sightings:
• In the not too distant future Youtube, Twitter and Facebook will merge to form one giant, idiotic, super-sized, time sucking, non-productive, mine-numbing, do-not-need-to-know website….called… YOU-TWIT-FACE
• “Tomorrow…” A mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.
• On the back of a septic tank cleaning truck — “Where a flush beats a full house!”
• At a Marine Dealership — “Zombies cannot swim, Get a Boat!”
• At Wise Guys Hair Cuts — “If we can’t make you look good, Yu Ugly!”
• While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign…
“Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step on exhaust.”
• On a billboard for a health agency — “This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness” Underneath the sign someone spray painted a response…. “No We Won’t”
• On a T-shirt — “dyslexics are teople poo!”
• Church sign — “Lost? God allows U turns.”
• Two ladies talking over the fence — “A good man doesn’t just happen. They have to be created by us women… So, first you’ve got to get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you’ve got to get rid of all that macho crap they pick up on beer commercials.”
• Money is like manure! It’s no good unless you spread it around!
• On a billboard — Another way to enjoy Minnesota is to move to Wisconsin.
Not a sign but funny
Baptist Brandy – How to attract new members to Church
A Baptist preacher went to visit a member of the community and invited him to come to Church Sunday morning.
It seems that this man was a producer of fine peach brandy. He told the preacher that he would attend his Church if the pastor would drink some of his brandy, and admit doing so in front of his congregation. The preacher agreed and drank up.
Sunday morning, the man visited the Church. The preacher recognized the man from the pulpit and said, “I see Mr. Johnson is here with us this morning. I want to thank him publicly for his hospitality this week and especially for the peaches he gave me and the spirit in which they were given.”