Is Tennessee going to hell in a handbasket? Well, maybe…


We published these findings a number of years ago. For some reason my column made them mad. We were scolded by the sender and black listed from getting further news releases. Today, we get two a week.

According to a study by WalletHub as determined by six university professors, Tennessee is the sixth most sinful state in the United States of America. We haven’t moved up or down. We are stuck in sixth place. Actually 50th place would be better. (For those who don’t know, there are 50 States in America). Idaho came in 50th and is the least sinful state in the union since everyone lives 20 miles apart and they don’t have internet.

Here’s how Tennessee ranked nationally. Remember, number one is really bad and so on:

2nd – Anger & Hatred
We were number one last time. Yah.

14th – Jealousy
We were rated 15th last time. We are getting better but wish we had a better football team.

6th – Excesses & Vices
We moved down three spots.

5th – Greed
Wow, not good, we moved up 15 places from 20th.

11th – Lust
Moved up in lust too, from 13th place.

21st – Vanity
We’re still so vain in 21st.

21st – Laziness
Doing better but we’re still napping on Sunday afternoons. Moved from 15th place.

WalletHub is a website that launched in August 2013 and is based in Washington, D.C.

Six professors, scattered throughout America, used a set of criteria and assigned weighted numbers to come up with the sin calculator. It didn’t mention if they visited the particular state to sample any specific sin but their results sure did show Tennesseans as…. ‘Cold as a cast iron commode.’

Tennessee’s number two ranking in ‘Anger and Hatred’ findings make me so mad I could chew nails and spit out a barbed wire fence. Whoops, there’s number two category showing its ugly face. Casting shame on a Southerner is like insulting one’s family, new truck or dog. If any of those professors show up here, I bet they couldn’t find their fanny with a flashlight in both hands. Whoops, number two again.

Actually, Arkansas was the worst state for ‘Anger and Hate.’ I guess because someone said, “People seem friendly until they realized it is superficial.” That might explain why Bill Clinton is the only person in America who knows what the meaning of the word is, is. It might also be because taxes are extremely high in Arkansas. I don’t know how the professors determined third place for South Carolina because the Palmetto state has Myrtle Beach and plenty of golf courses and known for its low country boils where there is always love and hot sauce.

Poor old Texas is ranked third as the most sinful state because it’s number one in the ‘Lust’ category. This was determined from the number of Google searches for XXX shows and adult entertainment. I suppose cowboys get bored looking at cows all day and night and at each other. Every person I’ve met from Texas is as nice as can be and you can understand every word they say y’all.

Tennessee was still sitting in the eleventh ‘Lust’ position. I will agree there is lust in Tennessee. I’ve seen grown men lusting after a good looking truck with over-sized tires and a shiny trailer hitch.

Georgia came in eighth place as the most sinful state. They were rated 11th and are getting worse marks probably because of the national football title. They rated second in ‘Anger & Hatred’ to Tennessee. They were number two in ‘Lust’ but improved to 17th, outstanding! I know there are a lot of pig farmers in Georgia that have the same issues as cowboys in Texas. Lookin’ at pigs all day doesn’t do much for the male ego either. But, thank heavens for that Applewood smoked bacon. Raising peanuts and cotton may cause lustfulness as well.

Tennessee ranked sixth for ‘Excesses & Vices,’ an improvement from number two. The professors used the number of fast food locations and number of chubby folks to determine this ranking. Excessive drinking also played a role in excesses and vices. Did they take in to account the number of internationally renowned bourbon farms in our state? Television shows even portray the old-time stump water factories still working in the backwoods. However, most of that elixir is sold out of state.

Louisiana ranked number one for ‘Excesses & Vices.’ Visit New Orleans this week and see for yourself. Try eating four Beignets in one sitting.

We are now 5th in the ‘Greed’ category and were 20th last time which is almost as welcome as an outhouse breeze. Most Tennesseans know their raisin’ and work for what they earn. Nevada came in first again in ‘Greed’ because of all the gambling disorders and the new Las Vegas pro football team.

Tennessee was still 21st in ‘Vanity.’ Is this the most scientific or creative criteria the good professors could come up with—The number of beauty salons per capita? Whomever came up with that determination must have enough wrinkles to hold an eight-day rain. Or, have fallen out of an ugly tree hitting every branch on the way down.

Tennesseans are proud of lookin’ smart, lookin’ good and smellin’ well. We shine our shoes when we have them. We get our hair cut. Women spend millions spraying and coloring their hair. What for? To look like the most beautiful gals in the world. It also could be the reason we received a high ‘Lust’ rating.

We rated 21st in the nation for ‘Laziness.’ Main criteria included; number of adults not exercising; average number of hours worked; time spent watching TV and to top it off, – the rate of volunteering. Don’t these experts know Tennessee is the Volunteer State? Why, there wouldn’t even be a Texas if it wasn’t for Tennesseans volunteering to save Texas from Mexico. Davy is spinning in his grave. In my opinion if this professor’s brains were leather, they wouldn’t have enough to saddle a June bug.

This study ranks right up there with the sightings of Bigfoot in California. I think the study is as ‘Bad-off as a rubber-nosed woodpecker in a petrified forest!” It was obviously conducted just west of Knoxville.


About Author

Comments are closed.