A reader sent this to me and it rings true for many of us.
It’s 2020…I’m getting old and I still have so many unanswered questions!
I haven’t found out who let the dogs out, where’s the beef, or how to get to Sesame Street and don’t know why Dora doesn’t just use Google Maps.
Only this past year I was told that all the flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same and still don’t know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. Also, why eggs are packaged in a flimsy carton but batteries are secured in plastic that’s tough as nails to open.
What does the fox say or why “abbreviated” is such a long word. Why is there a D in ‘fridge’ but not in refrigerator, why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons. And why do you have to “put your two cents in” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts.”
Why does The Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune and why did you just try to sing those two previous songs?
And just what exactly is Victoria’s secret and where is Waldo?
The above was given to me from a reader, who stole it from her brother’s girlfriend’s, uncle’s cousin’s who lived next door to an old classmate’s mailman.
Another friend shared a creative thought electronically…
“A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his church members. At one home it seemed obvious that someone was home, but no answer came from repeated knocks at the door. Therefore he took out a business card and wrote ‘Revelation 3:20’ on the back of it and stuck it on the door.
When the offering was processed at the next worship service, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was a cryptic message, ‘Genesis 3:10’. Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
‘Revelation 3:20’ begins ‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock.’
‘Genesis 3:10’ reads, ‘I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.’
The same electronic thought for single men…
“I don’t know why men go to bars to meet women. Go to Hobby Lobby. The female to male ration is 10 to 1 and they’re already looking for things they don’t need.”
Quotes by comedian Emo Philips
• I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
• I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
• I was walking down Fifth Avenue today, and I found a wallet. I was going to keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: Well, if I lost $150, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
• How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
• I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
• When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked for forgiveness.
• I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don’t know what he looks like.