This past Monday celebrated International Women’s Day. Who knew? Not me. In my mind, every day is Women’s Day. Just ask Judy.
What is International Women’s Day? According to the official internet explanation, it reads, “International Women’s Day has been observed for more than a century since it began in 1911. The day recognizes the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women globally, and it’s a call to action for gender parity.”
Below are some serious female quotes by the fairer sex:
• I don’t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but… I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
• When you really want to slap someone, do it and yell mosquito!
• Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, “Oh crap, she’s up.”
• Wine is to women as duct tape is to men, it fixes everything.
• Girls just wanna have FUND$.
• I am not needy. I am wanty.
• Calories (noun) Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes tighter every night.
• My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity, I replied, no, we all seem to enjoy it.
• Lord, if I can’t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
• You are only helpless while your nail polish is wet. Even then, you could pull a trigger if you had to.
• “As long as you know men are like children, you know everything.”
• BEHAVE! What happens today is on Facebook tomorrow.
• You can’t be sad when you’re holding a cupcake.
• Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed.
• Forget flowers. If you really want to impress me, send a pizza and a 6-pack.
Here are additional male and female quotes
• There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. – Will Rogers
• Women have more imagination than men. They need it to tell us how wonderful we are. – Arnold H. Glasow
• The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired. – Milton Berle
• When my wife says she’ll be ready in five minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. – Mike Vanatta
• America is a land where men govern, but women rule. – John Mason Brown
• Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. – Groucho Marx
• God is the best inventor ever. He took a rib from a man and created a loudspeaker. – Anonymous
• All men are convinced that all women suffer from Attention-To-Their-Appearance Deficit Disorder.
• Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men.- Joseph Conrad
• A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. – Gloria Steinem
• The most terrifying thing any woman can say to me is “Notice anything different?”- Mike Vanatta
• To judge from the covers of countless women’s magazines, the two topics most interesting to women are (1) Why men are all disgusting pigs, and (2) How to attract men.- Dave Barry
• Women are definitely more interested in muscles than a sense of humor. You will never hear a woman say, “I wish Brad Pitt would put his shirt back on and tell some jokes.” – Dave Barry
• If women were in charge of all the world’s nations, there would be – I sincerely believe this – no military conflicts, and when there WAS a military conflict, everybody involved would feel just awful and there would soon be a high-level exchange of notes written on greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace Luncheon (which would be salads, with the dressing on the side). – Dave Barry
• My last girlfriend had a memory so good she could remember things that never happened. – Greg Tamblyn