Just for fun, everyone needs a laugh this week.
Never give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood…
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said “hey that’s my stuff!”
I’m the kind of guy who stops the microwave at one second just to feel like a bomb defuser.
Wife: “What are you doing?”
Wife: “Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.”
Husband: “I was looking for the expiration date.”
“Yes brother,” says Paddy.
“Well I’m going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I’m away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids,” says Mick.
“It’ll be an honor to do that for you Mick,” says Paddy.
A month later Paddy calls Mick. “Hello Mick, your wife’s given birth to a boy and a girl, they’re beautiful,” says Paddy.
“That’s wonderful Paddy, what did you call them?” says Mick.
“I called the girl ‘Deniece,’” says Paddy.
“And what did you call the boy?”
“I called the boy Denephew.”
Girl: You remind me of the sea.
Boy: Why? Because I’m so wild and romantic?
Girl: No. You make me sick.
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. “We’ll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci,” he said. “Sorry, sir,” said the waiter. “That”s the owner.”
Little Johnny and a friend were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. “What’s it for?’ his friend asked. “I don’t know,” little Johnny replied. “I think you stand on it and it makes you mad. At least it does that for my Mom and Dad.”
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve. “Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”
A guy was meeting a friend in a bar, and as he walked in he noticed two pretty girls looking at him. He heard one girl say to the other; “Nine.” Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his buddy at the bar and told him that the girl in the corner had just rated him a nine out of ten. “Sorry to spoil your evening,” said his friend, “but when I walked in they were speaking German”
A women’s lib speaker was addressing a large group and said, “Where would man be today if it were not for woman?”
She paused a moment and looked around the room. “I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?”
From the back of the room came a voice, “He’d be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries.”
A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked, “Where did you get that?”
The pig replied, “I won her in a raffle!”
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin: “For best results, put on two coats”.
I’ve just released my own fragrance. No one on the bus seems to like it though.
A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling:
“You dumb blonde bimbo! It’s blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I’d come out there and give you what’s coming to you!”