I don’t need Google anymore, my wife knows everything!


At my age I am not sure what to label myself today. It has been fairly easy in the past. Today, I’m an in-betweener of something.

Let’s see. First, I was a fetus (unborn), then an infant, toddler, kid, teenager-juvenile delinquent, student, then young adult, adult, followed by middle age and now I have arrived at some timeless foreign place that when we arrive we can’t do a dad burn thing about it. Maybe a super-sized middle age group or “just lucky to be here group.” Humans label everything including ourselves. The media has a field day in labeling people.

Here are a few names that may define “elderly:” See where you fit.

Geezer – a negative elderly person, usually male.

Codger – same as above but with a sense of humor.

Crone – a negative elderly person, usually female with power.
Patriarch – old man with long hair who did something important once.

Old-timer – a fun old guy who whittles.

Old fogey – a negative description by a young person.

Funtimers – old hippies who still smoke pot.

Old girl – an older single lady who still has a sense of humor.

Silver hairs or blue hairs – male or female left-lane interstate drivers.

Elderberries – old folks who still enjoy eating after 4 p.m.

Old goat – usually refers to a man who has lost his sense of humor.

Bed blockers – really oldsters who are in great health.

Crinklies – most of us past age 55.

Plaza pilgrims – old timers who enjoy sitting in malls looking for old girls.

Biddy – usually a woman with an opinion opposite of everyone else.

Golden-ager – an older person who has moved to Florida.

Old bag – usually a woman who hangs out with a Biddy.

Old Bat – same as above but with an attitude.

Seasoned citizens – older folks still involved with city government.

Colonel Blimp – a retired military man who doesn’t qualify as patriarch.

Elders – anyone past age 60 who uses the words “honey” and “dear”.

As older folks we can also be described as being: spry, perky, chipper, feisty, or sweet. But be careful when someone describes you as being feisty as they may really mean you are a “geezer” or “codger.”

In any case, we are over the hill, long in the tooth, past it, past our prime, teetering, classic, or even superannuated.

I kinda like being called a “spry classic.” Has a nice ring and I can still play Rock ‘n Roll.


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