By Bill Derby
We are in the middle of a hot summer, but cool evening walks with your gal or sitting on the deck are wonderful times to share your emotions. These are opportunities to remember what women look for in a man. Since I’ve been married over 47 years I have slipped in a few categories of acceptance. It’s never too late to review or update our manly attributes or for some young bucks to pay attention and read these very descriptive terms.
No.10 Intelligence – if you haven’t passed the fifth grade, which somehow was very difficult for us baby boomers, you better go back to school cause women want a man who can add and subtract. Diagramming a sentence is not that important anymore but you better be able to spell over 100 words korectly. If you are naturally smart, share with her the betting lines on college football’s Tennessee and Virginia Tech upcoming game.
No.9 Be attentive – Pay attention, be sure to place the girl on a pedestal. Many are used to being there all their lives anyway. Don’t act indifferent or aloof. Ask her where those 10 pounds she lost went even though it may be only a couple of lost pounds. Never in the remainder of your life never, ever ask… “Are you wearing that tonight?”
No.8 Attentiveness – Here’s where you lavish the compliments. Notice her beautiful new sexy outfit, her hair, clean fingernails, plucked eyebrows, beauty marks, if any. Some things you might want to tell her. “Smoking is hazardous to your health… and baby, you’re so smokin’ you’re killing me!” or maybe, “I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.”
No.7 Be generous – Show her that extra 50 cents in your pocket can be well spent. Buy her a Dairy Queen Dilly Bar without her even asking. Or tell her, “I’m not actually this tall. I’m sitting on my wallet.”
No. 6 Be sexy – Start with something from No. 10 above using intelligence like: “If being sexy was a crime, I would be guilty as charged!” or maybe “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” You might want to read some books on this subject. There’s a lot more to this category than will clear my censor. Just remember to be sexy, gold chains used to work, not sure today. Maybe it’s a scraggly beard. It also has something to do with chemicals or chemistry.
No.5 Nice appearance – This goes without saying. Throw away your bib overalls and sleeveless shirts unless you think that tattoo is still attractive. Be sure to clean your fingernails. Nothing looks worse than dirty fingernails while wearing a tuxedo. Nose hair is another dilemma for most guys. It’s there, get rid of it. The older you get it starts growing out your ears as well.
No.4 Be romantic – this is one powerful attribute for men to use on that lovely lady. Learn how to connect over a delicious meal of burger and fries. Sit in a corner stall, play her favorite song on the jukebox. I’m not sure if they still have jukeboxes. You can probably find a nice cozy café in the North Carolina mountains. That would mean a long car ride too. Turn her on to how fast your car can take those curvy mountain roads.
No. 3 Culture – Show her you have some book learning and class. Take her to an art show at the next carnival. Show her how to find real made-in-American products. Attend a Lynyrd Skynyrd tribute band concert. Let her know you are well versed in wine selection for the different flavors of Ripple or Boones Farm select wines. Let her know you enjoy exotic foods and clothing. Nothing beats opening the door for a deserving gal.
No.2 A sense of humor – Tell her Kramer from the Jerry Seinfeld TV show says that humor is attractive to women. Keep the gal laughing. Knock, knock jokes are out. Always have a couple of funnies in your back pocket if she seems to be losing interest. Never suggest the “Pull my finger..” joke. It tends to backfire. But, by all means, have a sense of fun and she will love you till the chickens come home to roost.
No. 1 Be emotionally involved or committed – Let her know you are serious about your affection for her. Give her hints like, “Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?” or “Are you a parking ticket? Cause you’ve got fine written all over you.” Here’s one… “You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!” My favorite is: “Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.”