By Bill Derby
Ladies, do you have a hard time shopping for your man at Christmas? Do you ask him what he would like for a present and get a blank stare?
I have never gotten what I’ve asked for including…a new Harley…an old Harley….a new set of golf clubs…a dozen golf balls…a long cruise…a short cruise…a ten-hour spa massage.
Since Christmas is just around the corner I thought I’d give you ladies a little help in selecting a simple yet tasteful gift, a bottle of fragrance.
Back in my dad’s day they used to call it toilet water. I don’t know why. Next it was called after-shave. Then it was cologne. Now it’s men’s fragrance.
Here are my selections for that special man in your house:
1. Tire – Designed for the car and/or truck lover in the house. This very masculine scent has a hint of burned rubber, grease, oil, smoke along with a dab of new car smell for the lady.
2. Windbreak – This aroma is for the hunter/outdoorsman. The high-end bouquet has a smell to die for. It’s a sensual light, sleeping bag woodsy fragrance combined with a slight beano, fried potato, and onion signature. Some ladies might consider it a bit strong or slightly putrid but the man in your life will love it.
3. Saddle Blanket – If you’ve ever smelled the underside of a horses’ saddle blanket you’ll love this aroma. It’s a one-of-a-kind for horse lovers. At first, the fragrance opens with a fetid note then evolves into a very irresistible rawhide-ish bouquet. It’s not a complicated smell. Suggested to wear in early spring and summer to bring out the full aroma and enjoyment.
4. Gym – This very irresistible favorite scent will bring back memories for your man of his early athletic years spent with his buddies. His socks, gym shorts, under-armed stained tee shirt and of course, the reliable athletic supporter, all combine for a favorite yet somewhat moldy pungent smell. There is also a slight hint of musk in this bottle.
5. Old Thyme – Bottled by retired commercial fishermen, this fragrance is similar to dad’s favorite, Old Spice, but with a dryer ambiance. It’s sure to bring out the romance in you with its hint of mint and it’s great for everyday use.
6. Bass Boat – If you’ve ever smelled the 60’s and 70’s favorite, Canoe, this is the one for your man. It’s a fresh airish, early morning aroma along with a slight sardine-ish note. Some brides or girlfriends might consider this fragrance slightly foul due to its long lasting chemical base.
7. Irish Wool – It replaces one of the world’s most famous seductive fragrances, English Leather, which is responsible for more marriages and births than after World War II. Johnny Mathis was reported to have worn EL recording “Chances Are.” Irish Wool has a wonderful odor of wet wool along with an intense grassy, musky version. It also carries a pub-like fragrance of a day old pint of ale.
8. Parfum Toilette – This is opposite of Brut. It’s a California fragrance with a woodsy Redwood smell designed for subtle nuances with a smell unlike that of a reefer ambiance that will bring out the laughter and muncies in your man.
9. Calvin Cling – This smell lasts and lasts. It’s very irresistible, sensual, long lasting and makes him smell well for a long, long time. One dab behind the ear, cheek or in the small of the back will keep your man smelling for weeks. Cling only comes in a 1/2 ounce bottle but will last for approximately three to four years.
10. Hombre – Whoa baby. Be careful with this scent. It comes in a stainless steel bottle with a combination lock top. It’s recommended to open only on special occasions, his birthday, your anniversary and New Year’s Eve. The bouquet has a slight taco-ish, tabasco-jalapeno pungent smell. It’s the signature fragrance for Texans.
11. Fat Chance or Last Chance – This very economical fragrance comes from over in Mars Hill manufactured by a couple of dropouts from the art school in Spruce Pine. It could be for the single man, divorced man or the guy who doesn’t give a hoot whether he smells good or bad. It’s a fragrance that could sit in the medicine cabinet for years without use and still hold its scent but available at a moment’s notice in case of a chance encounter with a woman. This fragrance made the list for any man reading this who wants to buy a gift for himself so he can sit on the couch and look at the bottle year after year while watching ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ reruns.