There’s A CRS Epidemic


By Bill Derby

Forget the allergy season. There’s something more virulent spreading across the country.  It strikes without warning and is about as welcome as someone with gas in an elevator with a bad cough.  It’s called “CRS”  (Can’t Remember Squat) syndrome.

CRS strikes without warning at the most inopportune time like when you’re introducing a good friend to someone new and forget their name. “Hi, Bud and Mary  this is my friend….er….ah…..ah….you know my close here…Mr. Smith. Whew, man is that embarrassing.”

I’ve noticed it is affecting our Baby Boomer age group more so than any other generation. Who knows what has caused it? It may have been the transition from listening to Saturday morning radio to watching early morning “Winky Dink and I” on the new black and white TV. Clarabell the clown on the Howdy Doody show didn’t help either with his stupid squeaky horn.

Just the other day a very prominent citizen was visiting. We talked a little business with no problem. We then discussed how well our age group loved the old songs and dance music. He insisted our band played at ETSU back in the day starting out with a Beatles tune.

“I don’t think we ever played that song,” I replied.

“Sure you did,” he said.

“You must be thinking of some other band,” I answered.

“Well maybe it was….what’s their name…..they played a lot….hummm…..” he thought.

I saw he was struggling with his memory.

I said, “you’ve got it too.”

“Got what?” he fired back.

“It’s going around and I have a bad case too,” I explained. “It’s called CRS….Can’t Remember Squat.”

We both laughed.  I’ve noticed other people our age are recalling a lot less and responding with more  “uhs…;” “you know whats….;” “if I could only remember…..;”  “where are the car keys?” “…..where’s the car?”   Sometimes it’s funny but most times it’s very frustrating not being able to remember the things that used to roll off our tongues.

I guess there are so many boomers running around that CRS is spreading like cable news opinions.  Here are a few stories from the CRS annals. If this has happened to you it might be wise to start watching Jeopardy. A friend sent me these little stories but I can’t remember who it was.


“I Can Hear Just Fine”- Three baby boomers, each with a hearing loss because of Janis Joplin, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, “Windy, isn’t it?”

“No,” the second man replied, “It’s Thursday.”

And the third man chimed in, “So am I. Let’s have a beer.”


“Old Friends”– Two boomer girls had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play Bunko.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me…I know we’ve been friends for a long time…But I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.”

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”


Lost In The SUV –  A boomer girl who grew up listening to Elvis calls 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: “They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!” she cried.

The dispatcher said, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way.”

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. “Disregard,” he says. “She got in the back seat by mistake.”


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