Moms are almost perfect


By Bill Derby

I always went to Mom for special requests, for good food, for an extra quarter or, in my case, help. She was always there for me. Most moms are.

When I was in the Army stationed in Korea, she shipped my guitar over to me to play in our band. She carefully wrapped my prize guitar in V-neck sweaters, extra socks and other goodies hidden inside the case. It was a great feeling opening my guitar case when it arrived.

Grandmothers are just as wonderful too, plus they spoil you more. I see it firsthand since Judy is a grandmother.

I came across these cute explanations and answers children gave about their mothers early this morning. They’re funny.


Children On Mothers:

Why did God make mothers?– “She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.” “Mostly to clean the house.” “To help us out of there when we were getting born.”


How did God make mothers?–”He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.”

“Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.” “God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.”


Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?–”We’re related.” “God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.”


What ingredients are mothers made of?–”God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.”

“They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string.”


What kind of little girl was your mom?–”I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.” “They say she used to be nice.”


How did your mom meet your dad?–”Mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.”


What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?–”His last name.” “She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?”


Why did your mom marry your dad?–”My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.” “She got too old to do anything else with him.” “My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.”


What makes a real woman?–”It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.”


Who’s the boss at your house?–”Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goofball.” “Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.” “I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.”


What’s the difference between moms and dads?–”Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work at work.” “Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.” “Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power ‘cause that’s  who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.”


What does your mom do in her spare time?–”Mothers don’t do spare time.”

“To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.”


What’s the difference between moms and grandmas?–”About 30 years.”

“You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes moms don’t even have bread on them!”


Describe the world’s greatest mom.–”She would make broccoli taste like ice cream!” “The greatest mom in the world wouldn’t make me kiss my fat aunts!” “She’d always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.”


Is anything about your mom perfect?–”Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist.” “Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.”

“Just her children.”


What would it take to make your mom perfect?–”On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.”

“Diet. You know, her hair. I’d dye-it, maybe blue.”


If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?–”She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.”

“I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.”


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