By Bill Derby
I looked up America’s top pet peeves with examples of why people think their peeves are annoying. We are all sensitive to bad habits of other people and issues we deal with every day. I have commented on some of the most blatant examples and remedies. My thoughts are within the parentheses.
1. When the top of the Oreo won’t come off–And when it does, some of the black remains stuck to the cream. (Quit eating cookies that come apart. They were designed that way or buy the double stuff Oreo which doubles your peeve.)
2. When you either have too many dips or chips–The Absolute Worst And Even Worse Is When It’s Spicy And You Don’t Have Enough Soda To Cool Your Mouth Down. (Quit worrying about eating at the same time and learn the rules of capitalization. Learn how to write in cursive. Dips and chips are not your problem.)
3. When the sticker won’t come off the fruit. (Quit biting your fingernails, dummy)
4. When the banana is stringy–Yeah, if I could be healthy without my stringy banana, that’d be great. (God put strings on bananas for a reason. They’re healthy. Eat them.)
5. When the ice cream is too hard– I hate this, it’s so annoying because you are trying to shovel some in your bowl but it’s like the ice age in there! (For some reason that’s how the food got its name, Dingbat. Put it in the microwave and see what happens.)
6. When the chocolate melts too quickly–That’s the worst! When it melts onto my fingers, I either get a napkin or lick the chocolate off. But then I have to use the chocolate wrapper to eat it or else my fingers will get dirty again. (First, never consider chocolate as dirt. I suggest switching to M&M’s you whiner. Chocolate anywhere is good.)
7. When meat is only cooked on the outside. (Are you kidding me? All the germs are on the outside anyway. Meat was meant to be eaten rare. Check out Alabama’s defensive line. They eat it raw.)
8. When the cookie is too big for the milk–That happened to me before so many times, I had to break the cookie in half every single time. (This is very troubling. Are you going into engineering? Start using a bowl for the milk, Einstein!
9. Not having enough yogurt.—(Take a vacation to Greece. It’s cheap and there’s plenty of it.)
10. When you pour a bowl of cereal only to find there’s no milk. (Don’t be stupid. You used all the milk last night drinking from a big bowl of milk and dipping big cookies.)
11. Mouth Noises/chewing with mouth open— (Now, that depends on where you’re eating and how long its been since you have fed at the trough.)Go back to the pasture if you are going to chew like a cow.
12. Poor Driving Etiquette—(There isn’t enough room in this paper to comment on this pet peeve. Just keep out of the left lane dummies.)
13. People who use the word “your” instead of “you’re”—(This doesn’t bother me too much although their are issues when your apostrophe sensitive.)
14. People who throw trash from their car window as they drive. (Nature is not your garbage can. Leave it in your car for a year and see how you like it.)
15. The naming of celebrity couples–Naming your kids after adjectives. Examples are Desire, Happiness, etc. (This does not bother me one bit. If you gave birth, you have the right to name your kid anything you want they tell me.)
17. Screaming children/ temper tantrums–Learn how to raise a kid and keep your brat under control. (In my day a switch from an outside bush always eliminates this issue.)