Hope you aren’t tardy in paying your taxes


Compiled by Bill Derby

Did you miss your tax filing date? Did you request an extension? Did you forget to pay your income tax? Did you fudge on your taxes?  Are you hiding from the IRS? If you qualify for any of the above, you might want to read the comments below. Also, please notice the short form for tax payments.


Letter to the IRS: Calculating your maximum tax return penalty

A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalm 51:2-4 (knowing my own hidden secrets) and Psalm 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the following letter to the IRS:

“I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and I have enclosed a check for $150. If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest.


In a rush to pay your overdue taxes? A man received a notice of tax violation. It said on it, “SECOND NOTICE” and detailed various forms of punishment to which he was liable.

The man rushed to the local tax office and paid up, saying indignantly, “I never got a first notice.”

“We know,” said the man behind the counter. “Sending out a second notice gets more rapid results.”


Quotes on paying tax:

•  Infernal Revenue – Archie Bunker

•  My own tax expert, H & R Crock. – Archie Bunker

•  Every country has the government it deserves. – Joseph de Maistre

•  A government of law is a government of lawyers. – Saying

•  I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged. – Roger Jones

•  We have the best government in the world… that money can buy. – Mark Twain

•  A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. – Jane Austen

•  World War II was the last government program that really worked. – George Will

•  ‘Tis impossible to be sure of anything but death and taxes. – Christopher Bullock

•  My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. – Errol Flynn

•  For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. – Bob Wells

•  I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. – Edith Sitwell

•  In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes. – Benjamin Franklin

•  Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. – Will Rogers

•  I wouldn’t mind paying taxes if I knew they were going to a friendly country. – Dick Gregory

•  A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. – George Bernard Shaw

•  Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. – Tom Robbins

•  There’s nothing like a two-hour tax appointment to make you question your career. – Shawn Hitchins

•  Taxes are the dues that we pay for the privilege of membership in an organized society. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

•  At the heart of the Irish economy has always been the philosophy of tax competitiveness. – Bono

•  Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite so satisfying as an income tax refund. – Unknown

•  The difference between death and taxes is death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets. – Will Rogers

•  A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. – P.J. O’Rourke

•  Every American should have above average income, and my administration is going to see they get it. – Bill Clinton

•  There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist – the taxidermist leaves the hide. – Mortimer Caplan

•  A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. – Thomas Jefferson

•   I could juggle anything in my day: balls, cigar boxes, knives. But I could never juggle my income tax. – WC Fields

•  If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in five years there’d be a shortage of sand. – Milton Friedman

•  Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. – Milton Friedman

•  The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. – Arthur C. Clarke

•  Psychiatrists say it’s not good for man to keep too much to himself. The Internal Revenue Service says the same thing. – Harold Smith

•  On my income tax 1040 it says, “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away. – Tom Lehrer

•  The workers’ and peasants’ government proposes to all warring peoples… negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. – Lenin

•  When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. – Winston Churchill

•  Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. – Henry Ford


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