Compiled by Bill Derby
Thank goodness Halloween is over. Judy and I used to dress up for the little kids. I was always the Pirate with real swords, scars and blacked out teeth and Judy dressed in a wet suit and swim fins, not so much a mermaid but with more of a seal-like look. Many times the itty, bitty little tikes ran when they saw us.
Since we live on a dead-end street, we have few trick or treaters. I wonder why they call a street “dead-end.” One way in, no way out, I guess. Boooooo!
When Seniors Shouldn’t Trick Or Treat: You know you’re too old to Trick or Treat when…
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say: “Great Boris Karloff Mask,” and you’re not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or” and can’t remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You keep having to go home to pee.
A haunted house for teenagers where you just yell at them:….”What college are going to? What are you majoring in? What career will you have?
Q: What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?
A: Wrap.
Vampire Drinks: Another round, bartender!
Three vampires walk into a bar. The waitress comes up to them and asks them what they’ll have.
The first vampire says, “I’ll have a glass of O Positive.”
The second vampire says, “I’ll have a glass of AB Negative.”
The third vampire says, “I’m the designated driver. I’ll just have a glass of plasma.”
The waitress turns toward the bartender and yells, “Gimme two bloods and one blood lite!”
Coffin Attack: Coffin Attacks @ Halloween: Curse of the banging coffin
A man was walking home alone one night when he hears a BUMP… BUMP… BUMP… behind him. Walking faster, he looks back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…
The man begins to run towards his home, and the coffin bounces quickly after him, faster… faster… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP. He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, and locks the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin flapping… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP… on the heels of the terrified man.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. With a CRASH, the coffin breaks down the door. Coming slowly towards him, the man screaming, reaches for something, anything…
All he can find is a box of cough drops! Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin …
… and… of… course,… the coffin stops!
Bat Flying Blind: Blind as a bat
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and started hassling him about where he got it. He told them to kiss off and let him get some sleep.
However, they persisted until he finally gave in. “Okay, follow me,” he said as he flapped out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
“Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked.
“YES, YES, YES!” all the other bats screamed in a frenzy.
“GOOD,” shouted the bat, “BECAUSE I DIDN’T!”
