Funny church bulletins


Complied by Bill Derby

Funny Church Bulletins house many important announcements that are partially accurate. These need to have been proofread a little better. One-letter mistakes make for huge errors and laughs.  These excerpts are taken from real Sunday morning bulletins.

• “Say ‘hell’ to someone who doesn’t like you.”

• Mr. Smith is also a close relative of his brother Wilbur in the church.

• Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping.

• Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

• Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

• “Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”

• The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

• Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

• The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing “Break Forth Into Joy.”

• Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

• Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

• The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

• For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

• The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

• The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

• Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

• The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

• This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

• The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

• Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

• The youth group will be having their 13th annual Bowel-A-Thon.

• Please be in prayer for Jim and Judy, their baby daughter was born nine months premature.

• The Women’s Missionary Union will meet the first yesterday in January.

• Sunday we’ll have a special day to honor our youngsters for their schoolarship.

• The Rev. Dr. John Doe, our featured speaker for the breakfast, also blessed and blessed and blessed and blessed the meal.

• You’re invited to join us as Tommy and Angela renew their vowels next Saturday.


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