Complied by Bill Derby
Funny Church Bulletins house many important announcements that are partially accurate. These need to have been proofread a little better. One-letter mistakes make for huge errors and laughs. These excerpts are taken from real Sunday morning bulletins.
• “Say ‘hell’ to someone who doesn’t like you.”
• Mr. Smith is also a close relative of his brother Wilbur in the church.
• Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping.
• Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• “Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”
• The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
• Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
• The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing “Break Forth Into Joy.”
• Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
• Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
• The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
• For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
• Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
• The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
• This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
• The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
• Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
• The youth group will be having their 13th annual Bowel-A-Thon.
• Please be in prayer for Jim and Judy, their baby daughter was born nine months premature.
• The Women’s Missionary Union will meet the first yesterday in January.
• Sunday we’ll have a special day to honor our youngsters for their schoolarship.
• The Rev. Dr. John Doe, our featured speaker for the breakfast, also blessed and blessed and blessed and blessed the meal.
• You’re invited to join us as Tommy and Angela renew their vowels next Saturday.
