Are you tired of watching the debates and listening to political palaver? Take a break and laugh.
– A woman is sitting in the cool of the evening on the veranda with her husband.
Suddenly she says gently, “I love you.”
He smiles shyly, and asks, “Is that you or the wine talking?
She replies, “It’s me…………. talking to the wine.”
– My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming Anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a scale.
– Fortune Cookie Message: “You are a poor, pathetic, gullible fool who seeks advice from bakery products.”
– Happiest Day of His Life- At Ryan’s stag party his father raised a glass and proposed a toast. “To my son, on the happiest day of his life.”
“But, Dad,” Ryan said, “I’m not getting married until tomorrow.”
Said his father, “I repeat. To my son…”
– Long-Winded Speaker- A speaker delivered an interminably long speech and after he was done, one of his listeners worked up the courage to mention it by saying, “That was a very long speech.”
“Well,” said the speaker,” there was no clock in the room, so I couldn’t check the time I was taking.”
“Ah,” said the other, “but there was a calendar on the wall.”
– A wife is standing, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel Horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s darn near perfect.’
– Mensa Convention-Finding a brilliant salt and pepper shaker solution
At a Mensa convention in San Francisco several of the Mensa members went out for lunch at a local cafe. When they sat down, one of them discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper, and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the two bottles without spilling any, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly, this was a job for Mensa minds.
The group debated the problem and presented several ideas until finally, they came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.
They called the waitress over, ready to dazzle her with their solution.
“Ma’am,” they said, “we couldn’t help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker has pepper.”
But before they could finish, the waitress interrupted: “Oh sorry about that.” She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.
There was dead silence at the Mensa table.
Kind of reminds you of Washington D.C.?
Russian Bear Incident-Scientists study the grizzly bear population
A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study the bears.
Finally their request was granted, and they immediately flew to NY and on west to Yellowstone. They reported to the ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance, and finally the ranger relented.
The Russian and the Czech were given portable phones and told to report in every day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the camp completely ravaged, with no sign of the missing men.
They followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists because they feared an international incident. They killed the female animal and opened the stomach and found the remains of the Russian, but not the other.
One ranger turned to the other and said, “You know what this means, don’t you?”
The other ranger responded, “Of course: the Czech’s in the male.”