Compiled by Bill Derby
Cup of Tea Quenching Grampa’s thirst – One day a little girl’s Gramma was out, and her Grampa was in charge of her.
She was maybe three-years-old. Someone had given her a little “tea set” as a gift, and it was one of her favorite toys.
Grampa was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when the girl brought him a little cup of “tea”, which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, Gramma came home. The Grampa made her wait in the living room to watch the girl bring him a cup of tea, because it was “just the cutest thing!”
Gramma waited, and sure enough, she came down the hall with a cup of tea for Grampa, and she watched him drink it up.
Then Gramma said (as only a gramma would know), “Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?”
Farmer’s Pond Advice for Youngsters – The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.
At once, they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave.”
The old man frowned, “I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked.”
Holding up the bucket, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”
Moral: Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill…
Breakable Postal Package – A lady went to the Atlanta Post Office to mail an old family Bible to her brother in Nashville.
“Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk.
“Only the Ten Commandments,” answered the lady.
Long-Winded Speaker –
A speaker delivered an interminably long speech and after he was done, one of his listeners worked up the courage to mention it by saying, “That was a very long speech.”
“Well,” said the speaker,” there was no clock in the room, so I couldn’t check the time I was taking.”
“Ah,” said the other, “but there was a calendar on the wall.”
Bathroom Things – In the men’s room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it: “Think!”
The next day, when he went to the men’s room, he looked at the sign, and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, “Thoap!”