By Bill Derby
Every little elementary school boy is interested in anatomy and more so as they grow into puberty. As mom always told me when I was young…. “Curiosity killed the cat!” Therefore, I wasn’t curious anymore although I once dropped a little metal ball into an empty light receptacle and learned quickly that electricity creates sparks and is nothing to mess around with.
The famous Joel Conger who is in charge of nearly half a block of Jonesborough, and owns Mauk’s of Jonesborough brought by a cute little essay his mother found going through some old family papers. Joel’s grandmother was a teacher in Georgia and according to him, loved her little boy students and he guesses she kept this memento to remember her student’s attempt to explain the human body.
Here it is and enjoy a lesson in anatomy, word for word and spelling too.
A Little Boy’s Essay On Anatomy
“Your head is kind of round and hard, and your brains are in it, and your hair on it. Your face is the front of your head and where you eat and make faces. Your neck is what keeps your head out of your collar, and it is hard to keep clean. Your shoulders are sort of shelfs where you hook your suspenders on them.
Your stummick is something that if you do not eat often it hurts, and spinach don’t help none. Your spine is a long bone in your back that keeps you from folding up. Your back is always behind you no matter how quick you turn around.
Your arms you got to have to pitch with and so you can reach for the butter. Your fingers stick out of your hands so you can throw a curve and add rithmetick. Your legs is what if you have not got two of, you cannot get to first base. Your feet are what you run on, your toes are what always gets stubbed.
And that’s all there is of you except what’s inside, and I never saw it.”
My guess is, the kid who wrote this inspiring essay is now a rocket scientist at the Kennedy Space Center or a Congressman from Georgia.
To all my golfing buddies…..here is an opportunity to see The Masters!
Men, After years of trying, a friend of mine got two tickets to the Masters in 2017. He has a great place to stay in walking distance of the course. He did not realize until last week that it is the same weekend as his wedding, so he can’t go. If you are interested and want to go instead of him, it’s at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN, April 8, 2017 at 7 PM. Her name is Betty Sue. She will be the one in the white dress.
• My diminutive aunt Flora, just four feet, nine inches tall, accepted an offer to visit a health club for a free session. After being greeted heartily, she was shown where she could change and told an instructor would soon be with her.
Having changed her clothes, Aunt Flora went back to the exercise area. Along one wall she noticed a silver bar that was not in use, and decided to try her hand at chin-ups while she waited. She jumped up, barely reaching the bar, and managed to strain through two chin-ups before the instructor came to her side.
Smiling politely, the instructor said, “If you want to let go of the coat rack and follow me, I’ll be glad to help you get started.”
• My husband was bending over to tie my three-year-old’s shoes. That’s when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband’s head.
He gently touched the slightly thinning spot of hair and said in a concerned voice, “Daddy, you have a hole in your head. Does it hurt?”
After a pause, I heard my husband’s murmured reply: “Not physically.”
• To celebrate his 40th birthday, my boss, who is battling middle-age spread, bought a new convertible sports car. As a finishing touch, he put on a vanity plate with the inscription “18 Again.” The wind was let out of his sails, however, when a salesman entered our office the following week.
“Hey,” he called out, “who owns the car with the plate ‘I ate again’?”
• Now that I’m over 40, younger teammates have begun to tease me about my declining abilities as a softball player. During one game, I was playing third base when a batter ripped a shot over my head. I leapt as high as I could, but the ball tipped off the end of my glove and fell safely for a hit.
At the end of the inning, I was heading for the dugout when our left fielder caught up with me. “That much!” he called, holding his thumb and forefinger a couple of inches apart.
“I know,” I replied. “I almost had it.”
“No,” he said. “I mean that’s how far you got off the ground.”
• My husband and I, married 13 years, were dressing for a party. I’d spent all day getting a haircut and permanent, then as we were leaving, we met in the hall and he said nothing. I complained that he had not even noticed my hair. “You used to pay attention to every little thing, and now you don’t notice anything! You take me for granted!”
My husband stood there rubbing his face as he let me rant and rave. Then it hit me: He’d shaved off his six-month-old beard.
• After a shopping expedition, my friend Gina and I stopped in a local bar for a drink. We hadn’t been seated long when she leaned over and said that four young men at the next table were watching us. Since we’re both thirty-something, married with children, we found the situation flattering. We sat a little straighter and tried to look slimmer and younger.
In a few minutes, one of the men got up and came toward our table. “Excuse me,” he said. Then he reached over our heads to turn up the volume on the televised ball game.