When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting? Or 50 important things to consider.


Compiled by Bill Derby

1. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?

2. Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn’t it be called an inlet?

3. Why is an alarm clock going “off” when it actually turns on?

4. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

5. How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

6. What’s the meaning of life?

7. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

8. If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

9. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

10. Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice?

11. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

12. Why do kids learn math when they could just use calculators like the grown-ups?

13. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why’s it still #2?

14. Can’t the postman give it to the garbage man and save us the hassle?

15. Did they purposely make dyslexia hard to spell?

16. Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

17. Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

18. Why isn’t there a mouse-flavored cat food?

19. Why do you have to “put your two cents in”. but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?

20. Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

21. What do you call male ballerinas?

22. Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower when he doesn’t usually wear any pants?

23. Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?

24. You can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed, but why can’t you be simply whelmed?

25. Why do we say “eats like a bird” when every day a bird eats its own weight in food?

26. Why isn’t 11 pronounced “onety-one”?

27. Does Robert De Niro know that it’s okay to turn down roles?

28. Why does it hurt like hell to hit your funny bone?

29. Why is Broadway so confined?

30. Do Asians ever say to hell with it and grab a fork?

31. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

32. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

33. What disease did cured ham actually have?

34. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

35. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

36. If it’s friendly fire, shouldn’t they use blanks?

37. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

38. Shouldn’t the opposite of shut up be shut down?

39. Why are Softballs hard?

40. Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

41. How long do fish wait to swim after they eat?

42. Why do they call it weed when it’s so hard to grow?

43. How do you remove a club soda stain?

44. Why won’t my bankruptcy attorney accept payments?

44. Is it really necessary for L.A. to have a zoo?

45. If the professor on Giligan’s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

46. Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?

47. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

48. How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

49. Why does mineral water that has “trickled through mountains for centuries” go out of date next year?

50. If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?


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