Compiled by Bill Derby
• A young couple were married and then embarked on their honeymoon. When they returned, the bride ran to the phone and called her mother, who asked, “How was your honeymoon, dear?”
“Oh, mama!” she replied, “The honeymoon was so wonderful and romantic…” But then, suddenly she burst out crying and said “but, mama, as soon as we returned home, he started using the most horrible language… things I’d never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to come get me and take me home. Please mama!”
“Darling, darling,” her mother said, “calm down and tell me, what words could be so awful?”
And, the daughter cried “please don’t make me tell you, mama! I’m so embarrassed – they’re just too awful! Just come and get me, please!”
“Oh, darling, you must tell me what has you so upset… tell me these horrible 4-letter words!”
Still sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, mama… words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK…!”
• Groomsmen play a joke on the groom: During the wedding ceremony, when the minister/preacher/priest came to the part about, “If anyone has any reason why these two people should not marry, speak up now or forever hold your peace…”
The groomsmen had a 6-year-old boy run up the aisle yelling, “Daddy, daddy!”
It took an hour to get the wedding started again.
• Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
• A friend got married and the best man decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for pick up and return of the groom’s tux.
After final fitting, the best man rented an extra coat jacket that was three sizes smaller than the groom’s original. When he picked up the groom’s fitted coat he switched with the extra rented coat, and delivered to the groom only when it became time to actually get dressed. The groom wore a 42 long, but what the best man provided was a 38 short. Of course the best man played dumb until the last moment before the wedding started and changing to the right size coat. Would this be considered a dirty trick?
• There was a man who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married…. and then it was too late!”
• Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
• Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage license?
Wife to Husband: I’m looking for a loophole.
• These are actual wedding announcement names published in newspapers across America. People have no choice in the last names and when some are married their last names sometimes are very funny. Here are few actual wedding announcement names:
• Stolen-Ford Wed
• Looney-Ward marry
• Bender-Nuckles
• Flynt-Stone
• Gowen-Geter
• Broeker-Nuckles
• Smelly-Farkas
• Poore-Sapp exchange vows
• Hardy-Harr announce
• Fang-Dang wed
• Partee-Moore
• Cannon-Bottom
And last but not least
• Schmitt-Head are married.
