The advice column… from lonely hearts to weight watchers… they are still important.


I have always wanted to write an advice column under a pseudo name so no one will know it’s me. It’s like hiding behind a page of newsprint, peeking out on occasion. I read somewhere that people may think “advice columns ought to be a relic and belong to a time when local newspapers were a community’s main window on the world.”

Dang it, community newspapers are still viable and full of intelligent information.

Today, many people look up stuff on Google for personal help. Yep, Google will tell you what you need to know while saving your secrets with all your shortcomings to sell for anxiety medication advertising. Folks at Google only last week mentioned their programs had a bug spreading your personal information like a norovirus on a cruise ship.

I did read this about social media…. “In the not too distant future, YOUTUBE, TWITTER and FACEBOOK will merge to form one giant, idiotic, super-sized, time-sucking, non-productive, mind-numbing, do-not-need-to know website.

“It will be called YOU-TWIT-FACE…..LOL”

Today, you can share your dilemmas with the world on social media and, yes, everyone else will know them too! Newspapers only print your pseudo name in advice columns like…”Sleepless in Johnson City.”

A good friend of mine contacted me Saturday via text. He was in Atlanta with his wife who was attending a psychology seminar. Both are marriage counselors and live in a foreign county called California. I think he was feeling good spending quality time in the southern capital of the United States.

He’s good at giving advice since he earned his PHD. He was our lead singer in our high school rock band and showed no propensity for solving marriage problems. Singing songs by James Brown and Bo Diddley were more focused on his watching dancing girls.

Here are some advice questions and suggestions he mentioned I might like to try. I’ve added a few answers along with some I found. Guess where? Google of course!

  1. What is the secret to a happy marriage?
    Dear Abby knew the secret but she’s gone. Or, ladies, if a man says he’ll fix something, he will. There’s no point in telling him about it every six months.
  2. What should every man understand about women?
    Don’t let go of your wife’s hand at the Mall, because she will start shopping.
  3. How do I handle criticism?
    Make a face and blame it on gas pain.
  4. Who was the biggest influence on your life?
    Captain Kangaroo or was it Mr. Green Jeans?
  5. What role should vanity play in a man’s life?
    Just because waffles are pancakes with abs doesn’t mean eating them gives you abs.
  6. What’s the best survival tip you know?
    If you swim with a friend, your chances of getting eaten by a shark will drop by 50%.
  7. What adventure most changed your life?
    Study, Sleep, Socialize. Pick Two.
  8. What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
    If you are running low on laundry, a bathing suit makes perfectly acceptable underwear. Or, never trust an atom, they make up everything.
  9. What advice would you give your younger self?
    Don’t grow up, it’s a trap.
  10. What is a cure for a heartache?
    I don’t know. Buy an Amazon Alexa and ask her.

About Author

Comments are closed.