By Bill Derby
Hi Mommy and Daddy,
Day One: The camp counselors took away our tablets and smart phones when the bus dropped us off. Dang it Mom, what am I going to do? You tricked me. This is not computer camp at all. Did you know there are girls here too? Yuk, Yuk.
Robbie, our counselor, told us where to bunk. Five other boys are in my hut. It doesn’t smell too good and the mattress is damp. No TV either. The worst part, the bathroom is a hole in a shack behind our bunk room. Did you know how dangrous this camp was before you sent me here?
My campmates are named Smudge, Lunchmeat, Sleepy, Cricket and Hemmroid. They were here last year and got those special names because Smudge won’t change his underwear; Lunchmeat because he eats a lot; Sleeply because he is all the time; and Cricket because he ate one. They won’t tell me about Hemmroid. My new camp nickname is Snickers for some reason.
They said we will have a lot of fun since there are girls here too. But I don’t know why. Lunchmeat is my bunkmate. He’s kinda big for his age.
Robbie says we have to get up at 7 a.m. for breakfast and will like the food.
Day Two: Sorry I didn’t get to finish my letter. We just ate breakfast, some kind of powdered runny egg stuff, white bread and a stinky sausage link. They gave us bug juice to drink. I think it’s really lime Cool-Aid.
Robbie says we are going to the gorge today to rock climb but not to worry since they have safety nets and extra ropes. He made me sign a piece of release paper too.
Smudge and Cricket snuck out of our bunkhouse last night and said they were going over to scare the girls. They didn’t come back until three in the morning. Cricket was humming and looked a little silly.
Day Three: Mom, don’t worry. Robbie says the rope burns on my arms and legs will heal in a couple of days and that I can brag about the scars when I get older. I let go of the climbing rope when the yellow jacket stung my nose. It’s still swollen but the ice pack is supposed to help. I’ll finish my letter tomorrow since I can’t see so good.
Day Four: I didn’t know poison ivy could itch so much. I must have gotten it on me when I fell yesterday. Robbie thinks I’ll be able to go to the tomahawk throwing lessons later today. Sleepy and Hemmroid won the throwing contest last year and said they would help me if I gave them a Snickers bar. We aren’t supposed to have candy. I snuck them in rolled up in my underwear.
Day Five: Sleepy got 10 stitches in his finger during the Tomahawk contest. Hemmroid accidently handed him the wrong end of the Tomahawk. He can’t go swimming in the pond now. Sleepy walks in his sleep. Last night he fell off the porch headed to the outhouse and cut his knee, four more stitches. He’s clumsy I think.
Day Six: Mom and Dad, I miss you all. Seems like I’m in a different world. Tonight, Smudge and Cricket invited me to sneak over to the girl’s camp. They want to take a couple of girls over to the Nature center to show them the outdoor rattlesnake exhibit. They told me there’s a girl who wants to meet me or she’ll tell on them. Yuk, they want a couple of Snickers too. I’m about out.
Day Seven: We got back just in time for breakfast. Dumb old Cricket let the rattlesnakes out of their cage to scare the girls and they ran off in the woods. It was dark and couldn’t find them. Girls scare easy but I was too.
I learned a new word last night…sex. But I still don’t understand. Dad you need to let me know. I met Sunshine last night. She is two years older than me but I think she likes me. I gave her my last Snicker bar and she kissed me for it. Yuk, Yuk, Yuk. But not so bad I guess.
Day Eight: I got your letter today. Why do you want me to stay another week? Sunshine sat with me at lunch today. She’s kinda cute. Send me more Snickers.
Love and kisses,