Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, “Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine.”
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?”
The little boy answered, “I’m doing my math homework.”
“And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked.
“Yes,” he answered.
Infuriated, she called Little Johnny’s teacher the next day, “What are you teaching my son in class?”
The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.”
The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the son of a bitch is four?”
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
“What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which is four.”
Signs from around the world:
Dry cleaners in Bangkok: Drop Your Trousers Here For Best Results.
In a Nairobi restaurant: Customers Who Find Our Waitresses Rude Ought To See The Manager.
On the grounds of a private school: No Trespassing Without Permission.
On an Arctic River highway: Take Notice: When This Sign Is Under Water, This Road Is Impassable.
On a sign in Japan: Do Not Lean On Gate For It Occurs You Trouble.
On a poster at Fight Illiteracy: Are You An Adult That Cannot Read? If So, We Can Help.
In a City restaurant: Open Seven Days A Week And Weekends.
A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
Do Not Activate With Wet Hands.
In a maternity ward: No Children Allowed.
In a cemetery: Persons Are Prohibited From Picking Flowers From Any But Their Own Graves.
Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations: Guests Are Requested Not To Smoke Or Do Other Disgusting Behaviours In Bed.
Hotel brochure in Italy: This Hotel Is Renowned For Its Peace And Solitude. In Fact, Crowds From All Over The World Flock Here To Enjoy Its Solitude.
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is Forbitten To Steal Hotel Towels Please. If You Are Not Person To Do Such Thing Is Please Not To Read Notis.
In another Japanese hotel room: Please To Bathe Inside The Tub.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do Not Enter The Lift Backwards, And Only When Lit Up.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please Leave Your Values At The Front Desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors Are Expected To Complain At The Office Between The Hours Of 9 And 11 A.m. Daily.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: you are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous russian and soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except thursday.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our Wines Leave You Nothing To Hope For.
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad A Firm’s Own Make; Limpid Red Beet Soup With Cheesy Dumplings In The Form Of A Finger; Roasted Duck Let Loose; Beef Rashers Beaten Up In The Country People’s Fashion.
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For Your Convenience, We Recommend Courteous, Efficient Self-Service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies May Have A Fit Upstairs.
From the Soviet Weekly: There Will Be A Moscow Exhibition Of Arts By 15,000 Soviet Republic Painters And Sculptors. These Were Executed Over The Past Two Years.
In an East African newspaper: A New Swimming Pool Is Rapidly Taking Shape Since The Contractors Have Thrown In The Bulk Of Their Workers.
In a Vienna hotel: In Case Of Fire, Do Your Utmost To Alarm The Hotel Porter.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth Extracted By The Latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, Leave Your Clothes Here And Spend The Afternoon Having A Good Time.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would You Like To Ride On Your Own Ass?
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur Coats Made For Ladies From Their Own Skin.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed To Work Throughout Its Useful Life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special Today – No Ice Cream.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We Take Your Bags And Send Them In All Directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If This Is Your First Visit To The Ussr, You Are Welcome To It.
At a Budapest zoo: Please Do Not Feed The Animals. If You Have Any Suitable Food, Give It To The Guard On Duty.
In the office of a Romanian doctor: Specialist In Women And Other Diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The Manager Has Personally Passed All The Water Served Here.
In a Tokyo shop: Our Nylons Cost More Than Common, But You’ll Find They Are Best In The Long Run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles And Heates: If You Want Just Condition Of Warm In Your Room, Please Control Yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When Passenger Of Foot Heave In Sight, Tootle The Horn. Trumpet Him Melodiously At First, But If He Still Obstacles Your Passage Then Tootle Him With Vigor.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses For Street Walking.
One of the Mathare buildings: Mental Health Prevention Center.