Compiled by Bill Derby
Coffin Attack – A man was walking home alone one night when he hears a BUMP… BUMP… BUMP… behind him. Walking faster, he looks back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…
The man begins to run towards his home, and the coffin bounces quickly after him, faster… faster… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP. He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, and locks the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin flapping… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP… on the heels of the terrified man.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. With a CRASH, the coffin breaks down the door. Coming slowly towards him, the man screaming, reaches for something, anything…
All he can find is a box of cough drops! Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin …
… and… of… course,… the coffin stops!
Funny Signs of the times
• On a Plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
• On a Plumber’s truck: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your Plumber..”
• On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon: Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
• On a Septic Tank Truck sign: “We’re #1 in the #2 business.”
• At a Proctologist’s door “To expedite your visit please back in.”
• At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”
• On a Plastic Surgeon’s Office door: “Hello. Can we pick your nose?”
• At a Towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
• On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
• On a Maternity Room door: “Push. Push. Push.”
• At an Optometrist’s Office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, You’ve come to the right place.”
• On a Taxidermist’s window: “We really know our stuff.”
• In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”
• On a Fence: “Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.”
• At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”
• Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
• In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
• At the Electric Company: “We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don’t, you will be.”
• In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.”
• In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
• At a Propane Filling Station, “Thank heaven for little grills.”
• And don’t forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop: “Best place in town to take a leak.”
