Whew….thank heavens the election is over. Below are a few funnies to help all recover.
Post Turtles – Doctor strikes a political conversation with his patient
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year-old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.
The old rancher said, “Well, you know, most politicians are ‘Post Turtles.’ ”
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a ‘post turtle’ was.
The old rancher said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post turtle.”
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the Doctor’s face so he continued to explain. “You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he’s up there, he’s elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with.”
Best explanation I’ve heard yet.
Lost and Found–Will the person who lost the roll of $100 bills tied with a rubber band please come to the office.
We’ve found the rubber band.
White House Construction Project – Three contractors bid on the White House fence. One is from Chicago, another from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans.
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”
The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”
The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”
The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”
“Done!” replies the government official.
And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.