I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? – George Carlin

How twins are made.

How twins are made.

Compiled by Bill Derby

2017 is here and what better way to start the New Year with the birth of a new baby.  I found these random thoughts about babies, birth and young children by various humorists, phycologists, authors and other nuts that might shed a little light and laugher on the miracle of birth. Enjoy….

•  Babies are such a nice way to start people. – Don Herold

•  Joy is the feeling of grinning on the inside. – Melba Colgrove

•  Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? – Toni Sorenson

mad_chilling_baby-8014•  Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself.  – Erich Fromm

•  A baby is God’s opinion that the world should go on. – Carl Sandburg

•  My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. – Joan Rivers

•  You take more pictures of your baby than NASA does of Mars. – Unknown

•  Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last. – Charles Dickens

•  After your death, you will be what you were before your birth. – Arthur Schopenhauer

•  One year they wanted to make me poster boy – for birth control. – Rodney Dangerfield

•  There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. – George Santayana

•  My Birth Certificate is so old, it’s written in Roman Numerals. – Bill Carter

•  Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

•  A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.  – Stendhal

•  The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything.  – Frank Sinatra

•  We are all alike on the inside. – Mark Twain

•  Birth patrol pills.

– Archie Bunker

•  A bambiraptor is a savage baby dear.  – Alan Davies

•  Back then the women had babies, which they called in them days, begatten. – Archie Bunker

•  The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. – Jill Bensley

•  Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. – Tina Brown

•  The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. – Mary Marsh

•  The firsts go away – first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. – Sarah Jessica Parker

•  Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. – Bart Simpson

•  I’m beginning to have morning sickness. I’m not having a baby, I’m just sick of morning. – Phyllis Diller

•  I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. – Rodney Dangerfield

•  Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. – Mark Twain

•  My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. – WC Fields

•  Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. – Sam Levenson

•  The circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. – Mewtwo

•  Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. – Larry Barratto

•  No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can.  – Harvey Mackay

•  I think, at a child’s birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. – Eleanor Roosevelt

•  Our babies are like penguins; penguin babies can’t exist unless more than one person is taking care of them. They just can’t keep going. – Alison Gopnik


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