Grocery shopping is a fun experience: The sign said, “Eight items or less.” So I changed my name to Les.


I am an experienced grocery shopper and actually enjoy walking the isles of a number of different grocery stores in our town. Since we have a large number of grocery store advertisers I try my best to shop them all.

The grocery store is a great place to see old friends and others you might know to say a pleasant ‘hello’ or catch up on community news or a little gossip. Grocery shopping today has changed. Most stores now have ‘store shoppers’ who load a grocery basket for the customer to pick up out front. Geeze, they miss the gossip and relinquish the opportunity to get that impulse purchase of a party size bag of Fritos or pork rinds.

And other times you might want to avoid someone who you don’t want to see. I try not to spend too much time in the wine and beer isle in case my preacher should walk in.

A couple of weeks ago I almost burst out laughing at an incident at a nearby store. While walking through the vegetable department I was looking for the perfect tomato. A lady standing nearby was enjoying a sampling of the little cherry tomatoes from the display. She must have had three in her mouth as it looked like she was chewing a plug of Mule Kick tobacco. I selected my tomato and continued shopping the next isle chuckling and hoped her tasting samples had been pre-washed.

About 15 minutes later I checked my shopping list and noticed I had forgotten the celery and headed back to the vegetable section. Sure enough, the lady was still there tasting the cherry tomatoes. I thought, maybe she’s really hungry or needed energy to finish shopping. I just about asked her if I could try one too but chickened out. I did notice that her grocery cart was full and sitting on top was a carton of cherry tomatoes so I guess the store made a little money. It was a funny moment in the grocery store.

This past weekend I saw the store manager and, laughing out loud, told him about the cherry tomato incident. He laughed and told me I would be amazed at what happens in a grocery store and he could write a book about it.

The following week I planned on shopping for my summer diet. Normally, I try to lose the winter bulge in the spring but I was a little late this year. Judy told me before I left the house that orange-colored food was good for you. She is smarter than I so during that shopping trip I tried picking up more healthy veggies and other less fattening food. When I got to the chips department it was full of orange food. I selected the brightest orange food available and reached for the top shelf for a Party-Sized bag of Cheetos. I knew it would be the best tasting healthy orange food in the store.

I spoke very serious when unpacking the groceries and let Judy know I had purchased a wonderful orange diet food and presented her with the over-sized bag of Cheetos. She burst out laughing. I knew she couldn’t resist eating a couple of handfuls. Oh baby, they are delicious. It was my last indulgence before the serious diet started the next day.

The New Supermarket: Announcing new sites and smells in the produce department

The new supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.

When Men Shop For Groceries: Shopping lists are a piece of cake for guys

“Honey, could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.”

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

He replied, “They had avocados.”

Unbeerievable Nuns: A food store’s complimentary policy

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer section.

One asked the other if she would like a beer.

The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she wouldn’t feel comfortable about buying it.

The first nun replied that she could handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look on his face, so the nun said, “We use beer for washing our hair – a sort of shampoo, if you will.”

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzels and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said, “The curlers are on the house.”


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