Compiled by Bill Derby
My bride has recently been getting on me about leaving dishes in the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher. After a hard day’s work it sometimes happens. Last week was a particularly bad week in the kitchen. For a man, I think I do pretty well.
If you’ve ever had someone comment on your cooking, or a particular dish in the negative or the shape of your kitchen or home, I have listed a few responses below.
• Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!!
• I’m creative; you can’t expect me to be neat too!
• So this isn’t Home Sweet Home… Adjust!
• Ring Bell for Maid Service…If no answer do it yourself!
• Kitchen closed – – this chick has had it!
• I clean house every other day…. Today is the other day!
• If you write in the dust, please don’t date it!
• I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener!
• My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
• A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
• COOK CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
• I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
• If you don’t like my standards of cooking…lower your standards.
• Apology…Although you’ll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn’t always look like this: Some days it’s even worse.
• A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.
• If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast, and cheap.
• A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
• Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
• Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
• Help keep the kitchen clean – eat out.
•Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.
• My next house will have no kitchen — just vending machines
My computer went out to lunch this week as well. Microsoft 10 drives me absolutely crazy and I think it knows I hate it. After a number of technical issues and descriptive comments about what was wrong with the dang thing, it decided to teach me a lesson. It started a continuous loop with the screens saying “Your PC ran into a problem and needs to re-start. We’re just collecting some problem info, then we will re-start for you.” That message kept looping over and over again. I finally shut it off and headed for the tech doctor. But, as it looks, I am not the only Microsoft 10 sufferer who has had the problem. Just seconds ago I found this on the web. P.S. What’s a Windows Insider Program?
“Update (10/6/2016): Microsoft insists that this problem only affected people in the Windows Insider Program, though it has not explained why others not in that program would have been impacted by the latest patch. A fix has been pushed out for the issues but the company has provided no details into what went wrong or what the patch fixes. The supposed link to a knowledge base (KB) article that’s supposed to describe the problem is actually dead as of this writing.”
For some technical laughs, maybe your computer spell check doesn’t work so well either. Below is an example.
When good English isn’t good enough, sometimes spell checkers don’t work so well either.
I halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marcs four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.