Deja Moo: the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before


By Bill Derby

I found these new units of measurement while looking through some ancient document files.

New units of measurement: 

1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

3.  Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond

4. 2,000 mockingbirds: 2 kilomockingbirds

5. Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

6. 1,000 aches: 1 megahurtz

7. Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

8. Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line

9. 1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone

10. 1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles

11. 10 cards: 1 decacards

12. Force of 1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton

13. 1,000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen

14. 1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche

15. 1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

16. 10 rations: 1 decoration

17. 100 rations: 1 C-ration

18. 8 nickels: 2 paradigms

19. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital:  1 I.V. League

20. MilliPeeve: One Peeve equals the feeling you get when the coffee shop runs out of your favorite creamer, and you have to use your second favorite.

21. Hedon (or hed): The amount of happiness one feels when, after having walked 10 miles with a nail in one’s shoe, the nail is removed.

22. A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon or three normal-sized billiard balls.

23. Kardashian: A unit of time representing 72 days of marriage.

24. Microcentury:  the term to denote the maximum length of a lecture.  One microcentury is 52 minutes and 35.69 seconds.

25. Rictus scale: A system based on the Richter scale that measures the amount of media coverage of an event.


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