By Bill Derby
I found these new units of measurement while looking through some ancient document files.
New units of measurement:
1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
3. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
4. 2,000 mockingbirds: 2 kilomockingbirds
5. Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
6. 1,000 aches: 1 megahurtz
7. Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
8. Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line
9. 1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone
10. 1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
11. 10 cards: 1 decacards
12. Force of 1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
13. 1,000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
14. 1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
15. 1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
16. 10 rations: 1 decoration
17. 100 rations: 1 C-ration
18. 8 nickels: 2 paradigms
19. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
20. MilliPeeve: One Peeve equals the feeling you get when the coffee shop runs out of your favorite creamer, and you have to use your second favorite.
21. Hedon (or hed): The amount of happiness one feels when, after having walked 10 miles with a nail in one’s shoe, the nail is removed.
22. A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon or three normal-sized billiard balls.
23. Kardashian: A unit of time representing 72 days of marriage.
24. Microcentury: the term to denote the maximum length of a lecture. One microcentury is 52 minutes and 35.69 seconds.
25. Rictus scale: A system based on the Richter scale that measures the amount of media coverage of an event.