By Bill Derby
Well, it happened again Monday at the Niswonger Children’s Hospital Golf Classic. A wonderful and nice lady and fellow board member who was working the tournament with me commented on how nice I smelled. She was downwind so she didn’t have a chance to miss smelling the fragrance I’ve been wearing for years.
I responded with a, “Thank you very much and it helps lions and tigers breed too but I can’t remember where I heard that.”
She gasped at my off-hand remark thinking that I had to be kidding.
“No, it’s the truth but I can’t remember where I heard it,” apologizing for such a blatant shocking response.
I dug through my computer archives, marked “Old and stupid columns,” and found the column explained below. Must be the truth because it was on TV way before the now ‘fake news’ stations.
The story of ‘Obsession!’
I liked to jumped out of my easy chair last week when I heard the news.
“Judy, did you just hear that?,” I asked my wife.
“Yes,” she replied.
“That’s the stuff I wear. How about that, it works on animals too,” I shouted.
Ever since I came home sweaty one hot July afternoon from a hard-fought little league game and my sister telling me I smelled stinky, I have tried to improve my odor ever since.
Sisters have been telling their brothers they stink for hundreds of years. Many boys in the 1950’s took control of their odor problem with their first experience with “smelling well.” For many, it came with a couple of dabs of your dad’s or older brother’s Old Spice cologne. It had a little plastic stopper releasing a couple of drops of the cinnamon fragrance into your hand. The fragrance covered a multitude of bad smells.
Getting back to the newscast, a story came on about the Denver Zoo’s use of the men’s cologne, Calvin Klein’s Obsession. The zookeeper sprayed the manly fragrance onto “Natal,” a lioness at the Denver Zoo. According to the zookeeper the male lion, “Kruger” was not paying his gal much attention, however when she was poofed with Obsession, ole “Kruger” was encouraged for nature’s natural behavior. Both male and female are attracted to the scent.
I told Judy I had better be careful since I have been squirtin’ that stuff on me for years. A little dab will do you. The squirt bottle will last quite a while if you are a conservative married man. Single men might go through a bottle pretty fast after hearing of how nature’s pheromones affect the opposite sex.
According to reports, the original discovery of the attraction of big cats to Obsession for Men cologne was made at the Wildlife Conservation Society’s Bronx Zoo in New York. Over 20 scents were tested at the Bronx Zoo with Obsession coming out the winner.
I suppose on my next safari I should leave the Obsession at home but it doesn’t hurt to experiment in the safety of your home.
The history of cologne is interesting. I found this research: “Nero had a passion for roses and had his banquets strewn with rose petals. King David liked to saturate his clothes with aloe and cassia (a type of cinnamon).
“The history of cologne stretches back to the year 1709. The word cologne is derived from the German word Koln, a German city. An Italian while in Germany concocted perfumed water which he named Aqua Admiriablis (remember Aqua Velva). The strange, pleasant smelling water was made of grape spirits, oil of neroli, bergamot, lavender and rosemary.
“During the years 1769 and 1821, Napoleon began to use large quantities of it. Some say he used up to eight liters of the stuff in a month,” the historical narrative read.
Somewhere in the mix for smelling well, the term “toilet water” came into existence which I cannot understand. It must have taken a very stinky man to splash toilet water on his face.
Some of the ‘60’s favorites were, English Leather, Canoe, Hai Karate, Brute and the old Aqua Velva which was also used as a poor man’s cocktail in a pinch.
Just remember to keep away from big cats when using Obsession.