Commas Save Lives, Lessons from Montana


I was sent this story by a couple who enjoy jokes and are regular readers. Thanks to them, the essay below explains everything you wanted to know.

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Georgio Armani suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and Yves Saint Laurent tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?” 

Bud looks at the man, who obviously in his early 30’s, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”

The young man parks his car, whips out his Apple Notebook computer, connects it to his new iPhone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Notebook that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his iPhone and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”
“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud. 
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” he exclaims, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars’ worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter.

“This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog!”

Thoughts for a rainy inside day:

Social Distancing: I looked in her eyes, deep into the emerald green, my heart fluttered, I felt connection, something deeper, something magical. I was transported to another place and I thought, Blimey, these binoculars are brilliant!

It’s ok to fall apart sometimes. Tacos Fall apart and we still love them.

Day 1 of quarantine. “I’m going to take this as an opportunity to improve my health.
Day 45 of quarantine. “Due to personal reasons, I am eating a lasagna in my shower.”

I told my wife how thankful I was to have someone I enjoyed being quarantined with. She said, “Must be nice.”

First time in history we can save the human race by lying in front of the TV doing nothing. Let’s not screw this up.

What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.


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