Casual promises for 2020 with no obligation to fulfill


Note….I found the 2020 resolutions transmitted via wired transmission of some new electronic communication devices dreamed up by Nikola Tesla in the early 1900’s.

I will…
• Watch more cute and cuddly kitten videos on YouTube.
• Check my work e-mail account at least once this year.
• Switch my username to “password” and my password to “username” to make each a lot harder for hackers to figure out.
• Watch less TV . . . in standard definition.
• Stop buying worthless junk on Amazon I always return and shop local who have better specials.
• Start using Facebook for something other than Farmville and stupid quizzes.
• Help kids stay safe by not texting on my cell phone while eating McDonald’s and speeding through crosswalks in school zones with a frost-covered windshield..
• Talk with a robot voice all the time.
• Stop drinking orange juice after I’ve just brushed my teeth.
• Stop licking frozen flagpoles.
• Watch more movie remakes.
• Go back to school . . . to avoid paying my student loans.
• Keep it to myself that I have trouble with authority when I’m being interviewed.
• Spend less than $1,825 on coffee at Starbucks this year.
• Claim all my pets as dependents on my taxes.
• Lose weight by hiding it somewhere you’ll never find it.
• Buy new clothes big enough to account for next year’s holidays.
• Find a more accurate scale.
• Build biceps by increasing reps of Ding Dong curls to 3 sets of 15.
• Stop buttering my doughnuts.
• Eat more fruit . . . snacks.
• Pay off my credit cards every month in full… with my other credit cards.
• Keep better records throughout the year. That way I can listen to better music while I’m figuring my taxes.
• Look for investors for my “home office” business.
• Borrow things more often. Return them less often.
• Visit the grocery more often than restaurants, especially when free samples are being served.
• My goal in 2020… to brush Tom Brady’s hair.
• Increase my ‘relationship status’ from ‘Forever Alone’ to ‘Slightly Desperate!’
• To never again take sleeping pills and a laxative on the same night.
• To get away from ‘toxic people’, wait, I’m the one that’s toxic.
• My New Year’s resolution is to become more assertive if that’s okay with you guys.
• Just burnt 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave Brownies in the oven while I nap.
• Spend less time interacting with people and more time with my phone. Going pretty well so far.
• Not to go to the Gym on days of the week ending in Y.
• Remember to take my meds regularly. “Oh look, a Purple Dragon!”
• My New Year’s resolution is to not put myself in situations where I puke.


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