By Bill Derby
Our first rock band performance, relatively speaking, was during a North Junior High School talent show. Our little group knew three songs and the most popular was “The Twist.” We were instantly famous, at least, in English class.
We needed to come up with our rock band name. Back in those days, car names were hip like ‘The Fabulous Thunderbirds,’ ‘Vince Vance and the Valiants,’ ‘The Cadillacs,’ ‘The GTO’s,’ and the famous ‘Starfires.’
During 9th grade English class Sam Harding and I passed notes back and forth trying to come up with names for our band. We finally decided on “The Tempos.”
I looked up some actual band names. Their weird names may just mimic their song style. Here are a few…
• Bubble Puppy: Obviously a band for the youngsters.
• The Cut-Offs: They never finish an entire song
• Deer Tick: The name just makes you wanna pick things off your body.
• Eccentric Toilet: Eclectic songs that aren’t worth a _ _ _ _!
• Japandroids: Electro music with an Asian flare.
• Biogas: This band’s music is biodegradable and stinks.
• Lawnmower Deth: A garage band that has moved to the front lawn.
• Salad: A healthy group of young vegetarian musicians.
• Two Cow Garage: This is a country music band.
• Bunny Clogs: A girl band with nice shoes.
• Ominous Seapods: A sweaty group of youngsters playing beach music.
• Poopfist: Not sure about this group but maybe similar to the toilet group.
• Hamfatter: This band is always looking forward to eating after the gig.
• Diaper Flight: An old northern band now playing in Florida retirement centers.
• Lime’s Disease: A band from Maine playing the animal circuit, (The Lion’s Club, The Elks Club, The Moose Club, etc.)
I also found a famous touring jazz group with names and their instrument listing along with the band’s entire entourage. Here it is: ‘Dewey Needham & His Jazz Orch.’ and instruments they play…
• Trumpets: Al Tissimo, Howie Spitz, and Noah Count.
• Trombones: Hy Register, Mosley Late and Justin Tune.
• Saxophones: Kenny Read, Izzy Sharp, and Rusty Keys.
• Flute: Will Trill, Lotta Air, and Vera Piercing.
• Piano: R. Peggio, Manny Wong Kordz and Thelonious Gallintown.
• Organ: Page Turner
• Bass: Buster Gutt, Warren Fretts and Ron Lines.
• Guitar: Ron Kords, Rex Yuears, Ian Gee and Rudy Mentry.
• Drums: Phil Dinn, Knut Loose (Danish) and Don Swing.
• Vibes: Hal Mallet
• Harp: Anne Dante
• String Section: Squeekin Mybtoff, Vi Baratto, and Phil Harmonic.
• Tuba: Sue Saphone and Belle Tone on French Horn.
• Dancers: Dinah Sore, Lois D. Nominator, Barbara Seville and Tamara Nevercomes.
• Choreography: Amanda B. Reckonwith
• Dance Team: Ko & Nova Caine
• Female Singers: Annie Keewildoo, Marsha Dymes and Elefants Gerald.
• Male Singers: Amos B. Haven, Lee Thargic and Payne N. Diaz.
• Conductor: Dewey Needham and Voorhees A. Jollygoodfellow.
• Master of Ceremonies: Darryl B. Moreticome
• Sound Crew: Constance Humm
• Lighting: Flip M. Awn
• Security: Rick O’Shae
• Roadies: Oliver Beer and Mannheim Stoned
• Bus Driver: Ben Z. Dreen and Oliver de Rode.
• Publicity & PR: Igg Norriss and Ed Vertise
• Wardrobe: Zip Herrup and I.B. Sewinn
• Managers: Anthony Bluitt, Lou Debred and Robin Moore.
• Talent Scout: Hiram Cheap
• Caterers: Laika McAroni, Art Burne, and Sal Monella.
• Band Chaplain: Hal L. Ujah
• What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common? Both suck when you plug them in.
• What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on? He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
• How do you tell if a tenor is dead?
The wine bottle is still full and the comics haven’t been touched.