By Bill Derby
See if you can get these answers correct of real slang terms popular from the 40’s to the present.
1. What is civics?
a. A nightclub on Main St.
b. The ability to order quickly at the take out window.
c. Can spell “laugh out loud” proficiently and often.
d. A long forgotten school class that prepares youth to be active participants in our system of self-government.
2. Are you copacetic?
a. Having something contagious you pass on to other people.
b. The ability to enjoy the worst in TV entertainment.
c. Commercials that remind you of something in your colon.
d. Everything is good, no problems.
3. What is a wedgie?
a. A golf club for short shots.
b. When a congressman sneaks into a photo with the president.
c. A quick vote in Congress.
d. Previously a joke of yanked up underwear now commonly known as a thong.
4. The Bird.
a. A pro basketball player from Indiana.
b. Feathered animal what poops on car windows.
c. A stupid person who jumps off the garage roof holding an iPhone.
d. A one digit sign that all is not right with the situation at hand.
What’s a ‘five fingered discount?’
a. Shaking hands with the checkout girl at the grocery store.
b. Shaking hands with a payday loan officer.
c. What a dentist gives you for removing all your wisdom teeth.
d. Something obtained by nefarious means.
What does it mean to moon?
a. Invite people over to watch a full moon arising.
b. Babble over a cocktail about losing your boyfriend or girlfriend.
c. The ability to hold your breath until you turn a purple color, usually at parties.
d. An indecent exposure of the posterior pointed in protest. Now considered appropriate in the Senate or Congress.
a. A Polish pretzel.
b. An old piece of green sausage gone uneaten in the back of the refrigerator.
c. A secret meeting of both Democrat and Republican Congressmen in a beer joint with free Polish pretzels.
d. When the meeting of the above is discovered and immediately stopped so nothing gets done, ever.
a. A person adept at hammering nails straight.
b. Someone people come to for wise heimers (opinions).
c. A new German beer served in a gallon mug.
d. Someone smarter than anyone else in the world.
a. A tiny country next to Iseenina.
b. A rare case of ditzteria.
c. A wonderful and brilliant new flower sold in Johnson City.
d. Mean’s, ‘I’ll be seeing you’ as in see you later alligator.
10. Bumping gums
a. Fourth quarter play calling at last week’s UT game.
b. Eating a bowl of Consommé soup.
c. Two older adults who still like to smooch.
d. Today’s editorializing national TV talking heads communicating ‘nothing useful.’
a. A great actor looking for a Maltese Falcon statue.
b. Loren Bacall’s shortest boyfriend.
c. A word contrived at the Woodstock rock n ’roll concert.
d. Something you will not let anyone else enjoy.
12. Ducky Shincracker
a. A term developed by the president of Duck’s Unlimited.
b. A low-flying duck or Canadian goose trying to land on a golf course.
c. A pigeon-toed football player who trips wide receivers.
d. A great dancer.
13. Motorized freckles
a. A kid in the sixth grade who can run faster than a bully.
b. Zits that pop up right before a date.
c. Colored spots on your body that appear after age 60.
d. Anything with six or eight legs that crawls on the ground or up your bedroom wall.
14. Butter and egg man
a. A guy in the 1950’s who comes to your front door with breakfast.
b. A smooth talking dude who would like to enjoy breakfast with you.
c. A short order cook you only recognize from the back.
d. The man with the dough, real dough, folding dough, shekels.
a. Someone who stands outside the oval office listening.
b. Bill Clinton’s Secret Service agent who peaked through the keyhole and lurked too. It’s in the book.
c. Someone who uncorks wine bottles before it’s time.
d. A person who enters electronic chat rooms without making a contribution, may be Russian.
Correct Answers: (All d.)