The perfect Christmas gift idea list for your favorite man


Shop early and shop locally. If you look hard enough you will be able to find these wonderful gift ideas.

  1. Instant Irish accent gum gives you an immediate Irish accent – It’s a sexy foreign twang that attracts the opposite sex. The package comes with a number of Irish sayings that make some sense and are meant to be added value to increase intelligence level while chewing the gum. “Did you know… “The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven’t seen the joke yet.” Or use this if someone has insulted you…. “May you be afflicted with itching without the benefit of scratching.”
  2. Uh Oh emergency underpants package – Maybe a great gift for your man who likes to hike in the woods and gets caught without a little soft paper or any large leaves about. Sometimes playing golf brings out the worst in a man as well. A handy package quickly available he will love you for.
  3. Bigfoot car air freshener – Have you ever had the opportunity to smell a skunk? Skunks don’t run very fast. They don’t have to. And that’s where Bigfoot air freshener comes from. Since we all know Bigfoot eats skunks, his odor reflects this pungent fragrance. It’s a great gift for the guy who doesn’t like to carpool or offer rides to friends.
  4. A book of Shakespearean Insults – For someone who has run out of quality insults. This handy little notebook offers a few upscale putdowns such as: 1. “A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of one good quality.” 2. “Away, you starvelling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish!” 3. “Away, you three-inch fool!”
  5. Belch Powder – The perfect gift for someone with gastric distress. A quick squeeze of the bottle poofing flowery white powder that quickly disguises the smell of day old pizza or fried onions.
  6. Vladimir Pootin’ lavatory mist – Developed in the top secret labs that are noted for their creative and deadly poison used in various countries around the world. They will say it was an accidently discovered concoction that will cover up odors like they never existed. They deny making the potion but comes in an attractive decorated Fabergé egg with a shirtless photo of Vladimir Pootin’. It can’t be purchased in stores but can be ordered online through the Kremlin website or sent to you directly via Facebook or your email address.
  7. Atone Mints – If your man has ever screwed up, made a serious mistake, forgotten your anniversary or called you by another name, buy him a large box of Atone Mints. Every time he eats one he will remember his mistake.
  8. Make America’s Breath Great Again mints – If your man continually wears you out by talking politics, buy him a can of mints. Created by a group of attorneys with free time on their hands. Marketing opportunities include exercise yards, CNN studios, Congress, and the guy who invented text messaging.
  9. Whoopee Cushion – This never-fail holiday gift is always the favorite gag of every holiday event. Men love them but not so much women. Whoopee cushions have been passed down generation after generation. The Chinese version is a copy of the original. Go for the American made “Whistle Berry” model. Add a little Belch Powder and you will really get at laugh.
  10. Answers to all your asparagus questions book – Who knew this vegetable was so versatile. The book answers all your cooking questions about asparagus as well as how the chemical changes occur within your system. All you need to know is what goes in comes out as sulfur-containing chemicals that remind you of 10th grade chemistry class.
  11. 2018 Baltimore Orioles Tee Shirt, Won 47 – Lost 115 – This is a joke tee shirt to help your Baltimore Orioles man remember their last season’s ending record. He will never forget this loving gift of his favorite team. 2019 record is not much better….Won 54 – Lost 108

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