Be sure the goin’ up is worth the comin’ down!

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By Bill Derby

Up out of bed and the slow shuffle to the bathroom greet me about every morning. Glancing in the mirror early one morning this week I noticed new wrinkles, not an uncommon surprise at my age.  Sometimes, when you have enough energy, smiling will remove these unsightly indentations on your face. Nope, after a brief smile they were still there, another bit of evidence of advancing age.

There they were, two wrinkles under the nose on the upper lip region. How in the world could these indentations occur so rapidly I wondered? I stood in front of the mirror making different expressions trying to
re-create the grimace responsible for my new wrinkles.

Ah ha, I discovered they were caused by two facial contortions, “the kissing pucker” and verbal exclamation of the word, “ooh.”  I could understand the kissing pucker.

As best I could determine from the “ooh” wrinkle, it must have come from watching scary movies like ‘The Creature from The Black Lagoon,’ ‘The Blob,’ or ‘Dracula,’  whereby the word “ooh” was continuously uttered.  The “ooh” wrinkle could also be caused by numerous other reasons over the years, some of which could include: backing into another car; changing a baby diaper; looking at my 6th grade report card; stepping in a pile of dog poop; or hundreds of other “ooh” reasons.

I mentioned to Judy I had discovered two new facial wrinkles and the reason I thought they had become permanent. She said, “No, they look great.” Women have a way of soothing family ouches.

All you old guys, try this. Look in the mirror, smile real big and you will be amazed. The old creases, ruts, wrinkles, sun damage, broken veins and all the other blemishes tend to disappear.  I’m going to try and smile more. I read this someplace…. “You can’t keep age from visitin’, but you don’t have to offer it a chair!”

Below are a few age-related looking for a fun date ads that may give you a smile or two.

• FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80′s, slim, 5′-4″ (used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

• LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

• SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, Yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

• WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

• BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

• MINT CONDITION: Male, 1922, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.

• MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together`

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